Wednesday, March 10, 2010

How to give your child hysterics at bedtime

By reading them this....

A Cautionary Tale...

Jim, who ran away from his nurse and was eaten by a lion.

There was a boy, his name was Jim, his friends were very good to him.

(blah, blah, blah missed some pages in here)

Now this was Jim's especial foible, he ran away when he was able
And on this inauspicious day, He slipped his hand and ran away!

He hadn't gone a yard when BANG!
With open jaws a lion sprang,
And hungrily began to eat The Boy:
Beginning at his feet.

NOW, just imagine how it feels when first your toes and then your heels

(This is the fold out flap from above)
And then by gradual degrees your shins and ankles,
 calves and knees are slowly EATEN bit by bit,
No wonder Jim detested it!

The Honest Keeper heard his cry,
Though very fat he almost ran
To help the little gentleman.
"Ponto!" he ordered as he came
(For Ponto was the lion's name)
"Ponto!" he cried, with angry frown,
"Let go, Sir! Down, Sir! Put it down!"

The lion made a sudden stop,
He let the dainty morsel drop,
And slunk reluctant to his cage,
Snarling with disappointed rage.

But when he bent him over Jim,
The Honest Keeper's eyes were dim.
The lion having reached his head,
The miserable boy was dead!

(missed some more pages here, about the odious Jim's not-too-distraught parents)

ending with.....And always keep a-hold of Nurse

For fear of finding something WORSE.

This book is now looooong overdue back at the library, because since it's first reading it has been hidden from apparently sensitive eyes in the small cupboard beside my bed.

Where I leave it every time I go to the library.


Kath Lockett said...

What a brilliant book!

.....maybe you need to get yourself a copy so that it can be mentioned when they're naughty: "Now look, if you don't behave, I'm going to get THE BOOK out!"

Momma Such said...

Oh my goodness!
I have never seen this book, but sure am glad the boys have not brought it home from the library or book fair! Yikes!

louisalowry said...

You wait till they start bringing home books such as The Snot Goblin (get Trish to show you!). I hide it because I can't read it without feeling nauseous!!! Boys of course, take great delight in it.

Anonymous said...

I do like ur article~!!! ........................................

Cat J B said...

Kath, I might just try that, it be more effective than threatening to cut off body parts...

Think I'll turn on comment moderation, these random "I like your article!" comments are irritating me.

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