Our baby should be nearly two.

Yesterday was the 2nd birthday of our third baby boy. He was stillborn on 20th May 2011 at 28 weeks gestation.

Coming up to yesterday, I could feel the tension building in me, the weepiness just below the surface and I was not looking forward to this bittersweet anniversary. So I decided to keep our other two boys home from school as a distraction, I wanted some company, selfish perhaps, but he is their brother as well as our 3rd son, so I wanted to talk about him with them, about the what-ifs, and the imagine-ifs....

I didn't want us to hang out at home, because I knew there'd be requests for tv or computer that I wasn't going to capitulate on, so I suggested we go to the museum. I needed to keep busy and distracted and it worked. The day was busy, the boys were delightful and put up with my extra hugs and kisses that I kept bestowing on them. After they were in bed last night I headed off to the local dojo for my cage fitness class, then kept busy till bed time. Then I read my book until I fell asleep.

Phew.

The day is over, past again for another year.