The one year anniversary of our stillborn baby passed by without fanfare in May. The day itself was uneventful and I managed to keep it all together, right till the very end of the day. Then just a few tears shed at the unfairness of it all.
We had recently spread Baby L's ashes, on this camping trip. They drifted away on the mighty Goulburn River, in the mid morning light. It is a wonderful place, and the farm will always have bittersweet memories for me.
There seems to be reminders everywhere right now, of what we don't have, I think I always see them but most of the time I ignore them and don't let them bother me. But the husband has been back in hospital having the plate in his shoulder out and going back to the hospital has brought back memories of our totally crappy year last year, which was rounded off by the plate-in-the-shoulder incident.
We're going on a snow weekend soon, with two other families. One family has three young children, the youngest being perhaps 2 years old, and a boy after two girls. The other have a five month old little boy. They're the ones who told me they were pregnant when we were staying at the Mansion last year. I haven't met their baby yet, so that may be an interesting weekend.
One thing that irritates me is something that people say innocently enough. Seeing as our youngest (middle?) child is starting school next year, more people than I can count say something along the lines of "ooh, how exciting for you, you'll have so much time on your hands next year!" Well yes I will and no, it's not exciting at all. It's just an awful little reminder of what should have been happening next year.