What we've been up to

Making potions...

Collecting hail...

and eating it...

Playing outdoors...

Making bread.....whoops

(that hole was big enough to fit my fist in!)

Brewing some lemon-ginger water kefir....

Squeezing a bazillion lemons...

Playing a bit of air guitar...

And isn't he cute?

Where's Mr 6? He's around, but I'm finding when I have both of them here, my camera comes out less 'cos I'm busy mediating.

Or Mummypolice, as I call it.

School holidays coming up and we're spending the first week at the mansion.

Lots to do there, less Mummypolicing I hope :)

Life goes on

Another few days spent making stuff, more baking and cooking going on though that's calming down a bit.

My six year old's teacher had her last day teaching yesterday, before she's on maternity leave. Her baby is due six weeks before mine was.

I had bought this fabric to make a baby blanket gift for her a while before we found out about our baby, though I didn't get round to sewing it up right away. After our baby was born, at first I thought I wouldn't sew it up, but then it seemed okay to do.

So I did.

With a few tears, admittedly.

Because it seems like something I should be doing for our baby.

I made these too, to bring on her last day. She has been a lovely teacher and given Mr 6 a great introduction to school.

Life goes on.

Poem

I found this poem today, it fits perfectly right now.

My Stillborn Baby Son
I once had a son who now lives with God above, I never got to know him and I never knew his love, I once had a son whose heart beat close to mine, I never knew his beauty for I never got the time, For my son he was taken before the dawn could break, He's now sleeping in my heart where his share of love he takes. When I see my children who now walk here by my side, There's a sweet image of my son mirrored in their eyes, When I see a rose bud dropped to the ground too soon, It reminds me of my baby who was gone before he bloomed, If God should stand before me and grant me one last wish, I'd wish my baby in my arms to on his head bestow a kiss. I know I have my children who to me are very dear, But there's an empty place within my life for which I shed a tear, So I question God each day as to why he couldn't stay, Why my son was given to me then silently taken away, But I know I have to be patient and wait till I go home, Then within the grounds of God's heavenly home my son and I will roam
by Heather Pauwels of Calvary Chapel Perth

One of those moments

I had one of those moments last night when I just futilely wished that things were different. That things were not what they were right then.

Followed by a feeling of hopelessness that things will ever be 'right' again.

It's not great, knowing that time is the only thing that will lessen that feeling.

And in the rational corner of my mind, I do realise that things will be 'right' again sometime........... just that it will be a slightly different sort of right.

Eventually.

On the kitchen front, I have discovered my 'urge to cook' is more like a' compulsion to cook'. I find myself digging through my recipe folders to find that elusive whatever-it-is recipe that I must make right then.

Since my last post, I have made more broccoli soup, anzac biscuits, graham crackers in teddy bear shapes, a giant pot of butter chicken curry, chocolate syrup, lemon butter and this afternoon I'm set to make some bread sticks and dip, and a huge amount of mini meatballs for the freezer.

The kids don't even like meatballs.

And see what happens when you get distracted for a minute while making chocolate syrup?

Whoops.

The aftermath

Thank you to all those who have given words of support, encouragement and love, in person, as well as through this blog, through emails, cards and phone calls.

While emotionally I'm still up and down, physically I'm doing well. But it seems my body, or maybe my brain, doesn't realise I don't need to nest. Which is what I would have been be doing in these next weeks if our baby was still alive.

The kitchen is my nesting place of choice.

Recently I have made a version of these pizza puffs, bread rolls, my healthier version of chocolate crackles, gingerbread shapes, peppermint patties except I made them with honey and raspberry, cherry bites, a healthier version of cherry bites, broccoli and cashew soup, chicken stock, pizza for dinner, breakfast bars and fruit leather. Tonight I'm going to make raw cream caramels. And the kitchen is always cleaned once I'm finished....not normal.

I'm not eating most of it though, I'm going strict paleo for now. And I can't feed it all to my family at once either, so the freezer is starting to bulge.

Strange. I just have this urge to make food.

Nesting?

Or maybe it's something I'm doing to fill in the baby void.

Got to find a new hobby soon.