How to give your child hysterics at bedtime

By reading them this....

A Cautionary Tale...

Jim, who ran away from his nurse and was eaten by a lion.

There was a boy, his name was Jim, his friends were very good to him.

(blah, blah, blah missed some pages in here)

Now this was Jim's especial foible, he ran away when he was able
And on this inauspicious day, He slipped his hand and ran away!

He hadn't gone a yard when BANG!
With open jaws a lion sprang,
And hungrily began to eat The Boy:
Beginning at his feet.


NOW, just imagine how it feels when first your toes and then your heels

(This is the fold out flap from above)

And then by gradual degrees your shins and ankles,

 calves and knees are slowly EATEN bit by bit,

No wonder Jim detested it!

The Honest Keeper heard his cry,
Though very fat he almost ran
To help the little gentleman.
"Ponto!" he ordered as he came
(For Ponto was the lion's name)
"Ponto!" he cried, with angry frown,
"Let go, Sir! Down, Sir! Put it down!"

The lion made a sudden stop,
He let the dainty morsel drop,
And slunk reluctant to his cage,
Snarling with disappointed rage.

But when he bent him over Jim,
The Honest Keeper's eyes were dim.
The lion having reached his head,
The miserable boy was dead!

(missed some more pages here, about the odious Jim's not-too-distraught parents)

ending with.....And always keep a-hold of Nurse

For fear of finding something WORSE.



This book is now looooong overdue back at the library, because since it's first reading it has been hidden from apparently sensitive eyes in the small cupboard beside my bed.

Where I leave it every time I go to the library.

Around the traps

Just a quick funny while I think of it...

Master 4 (nearly 5) is obsessed with traps. 

Trapping people - bad guys mostly.

I blame the watching of Scooby Doo reruns.

So following are a couple of simple-to-rig-up-in-the-house traps:

This one's the old rabbit under a box type trap. 

Very effective for capturing soldiers who have come to investigate the roll of sticky tape that's been left for bait. 

(You work with what you've got, right?)

 

And here we have poor Spiderman, about to be hoisted unsuspectingly towards the ceiling.

 

Prior to making these traps, I commented on how fun it was to be making booby traps. 

Mr 4 said "but can't we make leg traps mummy?"

Uh, poor kid....... 

Speaking of kids parties...

H will be 4 at the end of this month and has requested a party at a particular play centre. I've been there once before as H was invited to a party there by a friend of his. All ok, except for the menu. It consists of....

• Baby frankfurts/cocktail franks (cheerios we call them in NZ....you know, small red sausages, full of nitrates?)
• French fries (think loads of fat and salt, tasted like beef fat when I tried one)
• Fairy bread (hi GI white bread, with margarine and coloured sprinkles)
• Cheezels/chips
• A token fruit platter (very ordinary and as such, untouched by the kids)
• "Bottomless" cordial
  

Also the option of adding chicken nuggets, party pies or sausage rolls.

This does not impress me in the slightest, yet food is not allowed to be brought into the centre, apart from a birthday cake. I asked if there were healthier options and was told not at this time.

What don't I like? I try to limit additives, preservatives and colours in my kids food, and this lot hits pay dirt. I realise it's a party but still, I don't like serving my kids this much crap, and it certainly goes against the grain to be serving it to other people's kids too.

However, there was a clause which said ' no food to be brought in...except for allergy sufferers'.
Now, my oldest is sensitive to wheat, not allergic, just sensitive, so we limit it which is fairly easy. I spoke to a staff member about that and it sounds like I will be able to bring some food...my idea is to sub homemade cupcakes for fairy bread, juice for the cordial and....not sure what else, maybe I can pump up the fruit platter a bit more with more kid friendly fruit.


Is it unrealistic to expect a few "ever so slightly healthy" things on the menu in this sort of venue? I would be willing to pay more, depending on what they can provide.

Hmmm, need to think more on this.